Monday, April 6, 2015

The Gardner Knows Best

"Hollywood would never be able to produce the thrilling stories, the real-life dramas, the diaries, the letters home, the testimonies locked in hearts that have resulted from following the Savior’s instruction: “Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost.” (Matt. 28:19.)
The Savior explained what might happen to some of our efforts. He said:
“A sower went out to sow his seed: and as he sowed, some fell by the way side; and it was trodden down. …
“And some fell upon a rock: and … it withered away. …
“And other fell on good ground, and sprang up, and bare fruit an hundredfold. …” (Luke 8:5–6, 8.)
Imagine the quantity of seed planted over the years by the tens of thousands of missionaries. Some seeds lie dormant for years; others spring forth immediately."
-Elder David B. Haight
There were times throughout the mission when I felt that a particular investigator was so ready for baptism. But then something would always happen and I would leave the area without having the opportunity to see them in white. I didn't get why all these baptisms kept falling through. I returned home from the mission field a little over 3 months ago. Since then, I have come to understand even more fully how the Lord works. He is the Gardner, I am only the seed-planter. Some seeds grow quickly and with very little attention, others take more time and a lot more work. But when that flower finally grows, it will undoubtedly be at the time that it can most successfully flourish. Because the Gardner knows best. 
Though I was not there to see many of my friends enter the waters of baptism, I am proud of the decision they have made to come closer to Christ and change their lives for the better. I love them more than I ever thought possible when I first started out, a little piece of my heart will always belong to them. I can't wait for the day I get to see them again.
Bro. Eduardo Pamilacan

Bro. Raymond Sanchez
Bro. Joselito Catarining
Bro. Aldine
Sis. Marie & Jhon Jhon Vilela
The Reyes Family
The Barcenas Family

Sis. Daisy Laynes

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

The Final Words AKA The Homecoming Talk

Magandang umaga po Brothers and Sisters! For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Sister Shalee Brown and I recently returned from serving in the Philippines San Pablo Mission, AKA the best mission in the whole world. I’ve been home for about a month now and I am definitely missing the warm weather in the Philippines. I absolutely love the Philippines and the wonderful people there and I’m so thankful for the experiences I had and for this opportunity to share with you a few of those experiences.

The topic I was given is self-confidence. So I started thinking, where does our self-confidence come from? From our closet full of brand name clothes? From the fact that we have a lot of money? Or from how many likes our selfie gets on Facebook? Sometimes we truly believe these worldly things determine our value. But they don’t.

When I arrived in the Philippines, it was… different. There was no air conditioning, no milk and cereal, and no Wal-mart, but there WERE giant cockroaches and spiders and the people there ate little baby ducks and chicken heads.  Some of them lived in houses made of cardboard and plywood. I’d never been farther than Idaho before the mission, so you can imagine just how different that was for me. On top of that, my companion and I opened an area, meaning we had absolutely no investigators. At first the challenge was fun, but after a couple of weeks, it was just hard. I missed my family and I was feeling anything but confident in myself. I mean, who does when they’re trying to learn the same language the Minions speak? If confidence really came from wordly things, I was left with nothing.  When you go on a mission, you leave all that behind. I really struggled with anxiety and there were days that it was very hard to do what I needed to do. I felt very alone and sometimes I just wanted to quit. I can honestly say that that first month in the mission field was the hardest month of my entire life thus far. But I would NEVER, ever take it back. Because I learned where confidence really comes from.

I had an angel of a Mission President who rather than letting me quit, taught me about the enabling power of the atonement. He gave me a talk called, “In the Strength of the Lord” by Elder David A. Bednar. It explains this second and less familiar part of the atonement like this, "The enabling power of the atonement strengthens us to do and be good and serve beyond our own individual desire and natural capacity." I felt that I had reached my natural capacity and I now needed His help. So one particularly difficult day, I went into our bedroom and knelt down and I told Heavenly Father that if He wanted me to keep going, I needed my Savior to strengthen me. I needed that enabling power. And I told Him that I was feeling weak and I just needed to be strong enough to get through that day. And you know what? He strengthened me. I felt an immediate peace come over me as I opened my eyes and saw the picture that someone had taped to the wall who knows how long ago of the Savior in Gethsemane and I realized that I could be confident in me because it wasn’t really me. I am nothing. But with the Savior, I am everything. And through Christ, I can do all things. So I got up and it wasn’t easy, but I kept going. And I felt my Savior by my side every step of the way.

When I was still in the MTC, my companions and I came up with a little saying that goes like this, “When you doubt yourself, you are doubting the Savior.” Brothers and Sisters, we were not placed here to fail. He doesn’t just leave us alone. I know that He knows you. He knows the trials and temptations you are facing. He knows what it’s like to feel alone or disappointed or afraid. When He suffered in the Garden of Gethsemane, I don’t think that it was a group thing. I think that it was very individualized, that He saw your face and thought that even if you were the only one that needed the atonement, He still would’ve done it. Because that’s how much He loves you. He knows who you are and who you have the potential to become.

But in order to really gain this confidence for ourselves, we have to put it to the test. We have to do things that scare us. For me, one of those things was OYMing, meaning Open Your Mouth. After a couple of weeks in the field, I decided I just needed to do it. In the Pines, you ride in Jeepneys, which are like grafittied buses. We had a 45-minute ride. And it took me that entire time to start talking. This is embarrassing but I didn’t know how to start so I dropped my pen hoping the girl next to me would pick it up. It’s even more embarrassing that it didn’t work. So that’s when I had to put my confidence in my Savior and just do it. And I did and it was awesome. She lived too far away for us to visit her but it got easier for me to OYM and that’s how we met Joel and Ariane.

Joel and Ariane are an example to me of how our knowledge of the gospel and who we are really increases our self-confidence. They were a young couple with 2 young children and no income. They loved the gospel from the very beginning and after just a couple of visits, Joel cut his hair and took out his earrings. We hadn’t asked hi to do that, so we asked him about it and he told us that he’d done it because it just seemed right. When we told him he had to stop smoking, he hesitated but then told us he could. And he did. Joel also really struggled with prayer at first. The main religion in the Philippines is Catholic and their prayers are mainly memorized. So investigators are usually really shy about praying out loud at first. But with Joel and with all of the others I taught as well, it quickly became my favorite thing to watch as their confidence grew and he realized that he was really talking to someone who loved him, that he really had a Heavenly Father He gained the confidence that comes from truly knowing you are a child of God. After a couple of months, Joel and Arianne really placed their confidence in the Lord and decided to be baptized in secret at the risk of being kicked out of their home because of opposition from Arianne’s mother.  Because of their choice and confidence in the Lord, their 8-year-old son was baptized yesterday and Arianne’s mom is now being taught by the missionaries.

Let me tell you why they were able to place such confidence in the Savior. When the Savior performed the atonement, He did it for EVERYONE and everything. In Alma 7:11-12 it says, “And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people. And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.”  There was a sister in my 4th area who really know this is true. We went to Sister Garin’s intending to ask for referrals but instead felt that we needed to share these verses with her. She then tearfully confided to us that she had just been told that she had breast cancer. She wasn’t confident that she could do it alone, but she was confident that she could do it with her Savior. Just like He had felt her pain, He has also felt the pain of your neighbor, your sister, your best friend, and that stranger you sit next to on the bus everyday. But chances are, they don’t know that. They don’t have that confidence in themselves because they don’t know their Savior. But they deserve to know.

We, as members, are the key to helping others understand who they are and what their Savior did for them. In Sta. Cruz, we had so many wonderful investigators and they were all referrals from members. One couple in particular, the Salvadors, is a perfect example of gaining self-confidence through the gospel. When we first met Virgie, she was kind of quiet and nervous all the time. About a week after our first visit, a level 3 typhoon made it’s way through Sta. Cruz, ripping houses apart and causing havoc all night long. When we went to check on the Salvadors, Virgie told us how afraid she had been during the storm and how she hadn’t known what to do. So we taught her to pray. And sure enough, at our next visit she told us that she KNEW prayer worked. She knew because she had prayed that her husband would get rid of his smelly chickens and he did… Haha J After that, she never really waivered. She had full confidence in the Lord’s commandments and in her ability to follow them.

The Lord often gives us missionary opportunities that we fail to recognize because they are so simple. We have opportunities every single day to share the gospel. About a month before my mission ended, the Lord worked in mysterious ways to provide me with a missionary opportunity that I never would have had otherwise. One night we were walking up to the house of an investigator when I stepped on none other than a snake, which sunk its teeth right into my tasty ankle. Thanks to this little experience, I got to spend 24 hours in a Manila hospital. It was a long, boring 24 hours so the mission nurse and I started to OYM everyone that came through the room. A couple of these people were Lorena and her son, Marvin. They opened up to us about a lot of trials they were going through with their family and we were able to share a little bit about the Book of Mormon with them. We got their information and right before I came home, I was told that the missionaries were teaching this family and that they were so excited to hear their message. I know that Lord’s hand was in that crazy experience.

However, sometimes we don’t see success like that. Sometimes we put our confidence in the Lord and then we get rejected, or it doesn’t work out quite like we thought it would. But I promise you that no effort is wasted. I served in each of my areas for a pretty short amount of time and I often left the area feeling that I hadn’t made much of a difference. But Heavenly Father showed me that my effort was not wasted. I had the opportunity to visit one of my areas on my last Sunday in the Philippines and it just so happened that that was the day that 5 of the investigators I had started teaching and left unsure of whether or not I had set a sure foundation for them, were baptized. One of them was Sister Conching. Now remember my struggle with OYMing. This sweet sister was an OYM. In fact, we only went there to buy some ice candy (like homemade otter pops) and she let us in. As I attended her baptism, I felt a really special spirit testifying to me that I had indeed made a difference just as every other missionary that had taught her.  Brothers and Sisters, no effort to live the gospel is wasted. No effort to share it is wasted. We may not be perfect at it, but that’s okay.

When I spoke 18 months ago, I shared one of my favorite quotes with you and I’m going to share it again because it’s even more relevant now. It’s from We Bought A Zoo. “You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.” I know that if we place our confidence in the Lord and take that 20 seconds of courage, to share the gospel, to make a change in our own lives, to do something that scares us, you will come to know that the Savior really does know and love you and that you can do impossible things. To close, I’d like to bear my testimony in Tagalog.

Alam ko po na totoo ang simbahan na ito. Alam ko po na buhay si Jesucristo at ang ating Tagapagligtas po siya. Nagbayad-sala siya para sa bawat isa sa atin. Alam ko na may plano ang Diyos para sa atin at perpekto ang plano niya. Alam ko na mahal na mahal po tayo ng Diyos at dahil doon, ibinalik niya ang kanyang totoong simbahan dito sa mundo sa pamamamagitan ng propetang Joseph Smith. Alam ko po na totoo po ang Aklat ni Mormon at masasagot niya ang mga katanongan ninyo. Alam ko po na tunay ang panalangin. Lagi naririnig kayo ng Diyos. Alam ko totoo ang lahat ng sinabi ko sa inyo, sa pangalan ni Jesucristo, amen.

Sunday, January 4, 2015

Full Circle

Kamusta na kayo? This is coming live from the ice box we call Utah! Yep. I'm back in Utah. 18 months has come and gone and it kinda feels like it was all a dream. But then I open the door and get hit by a wall of freezing coldness and I know that it's real life and 18 months of miracles and Shalee-changing experiences really did happen. Because of the holiday, we left a day early and didn't get a chance to email so I wanted to send out one final update to all of you lovely people!
Our last week in the field we had Christmas zone conference, which is always fun, and I got to bear my last testimony. I was really worried about it because how do you put 18 months worth of experience into a 1 minute testimony? But then I realized that a simple testimony is often the most powerful. As each of the departing missionaries shared their simple testimonies, the spirit filled the room and I realized that the things I used to say I knew were things that I had hoped and believed were true. As I said them this time, I KNEW they were true.

The thing is, I've learned and felt and experienced so much that I'm not sure how to convey it all to you. I remember in the MTC our district read Alma 26 together and when our teacher asked me what I liked about it I replied with verse 16: "...Behold, I say unto you, I cannot say the smallest part which I feel." The Elders thought it was a pretty clever way of getting out of answering. But I was serious. And 18 months later, I stand by that statement even more so. I don't know how to put into words the feelings that I have about the mission. But if I had to pick just one thing that I learned, it would be about the atonement.
It's funny how things really came full circle. In my 2nd week in the field, I was really struggling. I was sure I couldn't do it for 18 months. I was ready to get back on the plane and head back to what I knew. But then President Peterson gave me a talk, "In the Strength of the Lord" by Elder Bednar. And as I studied and applied the enabling power of the atonement, I came to understand that I indeed COULD do it. Because my Savior had already done it, He'd already made it possible. And He could strengthen me above and beyond what I could do on my own. At my last zone meeting, we were given that very talk yet again and challenged to teach everyone about that enabling power. As I did so, I came to realize that my whole mission was centered around the atonement of Jesus Christ. I realized that though I had known about my Savior before, I know knew Him. I am so thankful for the testimony of the atonement that I have gained because I know that just because the mission is over, doesn't mean I have reached perfection and experienced every trial I will ever face. Perfection really isn't the point. The goal is constant, never-ending progression. I am excited to continue on in my journey towards constant, never-ending progression. I know that my Savior lives. I know that He loves us each individually. I know that He made the way possible to return to our Heavenly home through His atoning sacrifice. I know that God's plan is perfect and that there is never a time in which we are left alone. I know prayers are heard and answered. I know that God called a prophet to restore His true church to the earth and that that prophet was Joseph Smith and through the power of God He translated the Book of Mormon. I love the Book of Mormon and I know that it contains the answers to the questions we all have in life. I know that families are forever. And I will never regret the decision to serve a full-time mission. Because of it, I learned how to truly love. And I encourage anyone who desires to do so to take that step of faith and just do it. I love you all forever and I am so thankful for all of the support that you have given to me over the last 18 months. So many times I literally felt the power of your prayers for me strengthening me. Thank you.

XOXO, Sister Shalee Brown

P.S. The wonderful Sister Peterson sent this to me in my first month in the Philippines. It pretty much describes how I feel.
As I stared out the window in silence
and wiping the tears from my eyes
I see all the faces of those that I love
we had just said our last good-byes.
The ride was long and trying
And two questions were plaguing my mind
Do I want the life that lies ahead
or the one that I just left behind.
Eighteen months is such a long time,
But others have given much more.
It’s contagious, this desire to keep driving on,
And hope for the very next door.
In no time at all you cherish each day,
The work is replaced with a song
All the good you can do, today’s not enough
There’s more and then more as time goes on.
As I sit once again reflecting
That the time has so swiftly gone by
It’s strange how this feeling’s familiar
And I blush cause I’m starting to cry.
As I stare out the window in silence
Wiping the tears from my eyes
I see all the missionaries and the contacts I love
We have just said our last good-byes
The ride was long and trying
And two questions were plaguing my mind
Do I want the life that lies ahead
Or the one that I just left behind.
 I didn't exactly believe it at first. But I believe it now.

The Vilela Family
Farewell FHE

Cock Fighting Arena by our house

Sister Gigi Minas


Sis. Anna Borlaza

Christmas Dinner

Right after Sis. Tzanis took Sis. Rose down

Last Batch Picture

Christmas Morning

Christmas Zone Con 2014

Sis. Lisaca and her 2 Nanays

"We're going home!" face

Matching House Skirts! 


Sunday, December 28, 2014

Christmas Miracles and Ice Candy‏

Maligayang Pasko to all of you lovely people! Hopefully you're all sharing the gift and remembering the reason for the season. This week started out a little discouragingly. Because of all the meetings that we had going this week, we only had 1 full day to work. And what do you know, that was the day I got sicker than I'd ever been my whole mission. On top of that, Bishop is still mad at us and investigators are dropping like flies. So naturally, I prayed. And prayed. And I asked for a Christmas miracle. I think it's safe to say I got one.

 Because this was my last Sunday in the field, I got to choose an area to visit for a couple of days. And even though I was just there, my heart is in Sta. Cruz. Those 2 days in Sta. Cruz were my miracle. But more specifically, Sister Conching was my miracle. Let me tell you about her.

Sister Conching
One day, Sister Burt and I had been punted and we had a little extra time on our hands. It was hot. We needed ice candy. So we "tao po'd" and OYM's our ice candy lady. She let us in and every time we taught her, she had some great question of the soul that was perfectly answered by the gospel of Jesus Christ. I can't forget the 2nd time we taught her and at the end of the lesson she just paused and then asked, "How do I ask? How do I ask so I can be sure I get an answer if it's true?" I love that lady. Then there is the Barcenas family. A few days before I was transferred, we had some extra time once again and we decided to contact a referral we'd been given earlier. They let us in and we taught them a quick lesson. They listened but seemed reluctant for us to come back and as we walked away I remember Sister Burt telling me she wasn't sure if she should go back. 

Fast forward to Saturday, December 20, 2015. The day Sister Conching and the entire Barcenas family were baptized. I have never attended a baptismal service in which the spirit was so strong. Maybe it was just so strong to me personally because I very distinctly felt the spirit testifying to me that I had been an instrument in the hands of the Lord and my eyes were opened to just how perfect God's plan is. Sister Conching loves her story and she stood and shared it with everyone in the room, and ended it with, "All because of ice candy." Brother Barcenas cried as he spoke of how excited he was to enter the temple with his family in one year to be sealed for time and all eternity. Their are no coincidences in the gospel. Only miracles.  

I didn't get the chance to see Sister Edlyn or Sister Joan, but Vergie and Gilbert are doing great and their children are both being taught by the missionaries and have baptismal goal dates. And the Pamilacan family is just as amazing as ever. Brother Makulit is still makulit but he's changing. Something that I realized this week as well was that some people need just the 2 missionaries that find them to be truly converted. But some people need 3 or 4. And some people, like Brother Edward Pamilacan, need 10. 
Pamilacan Family
Salvador Family

I just want you all to know that I know God's plan is perfect. And that He knows best. He knew that I needed to serve a mission. He knew that I needed to be assigned here in San Pablo. And He has continually guided me to the right place at the right time and given me the words to say that would change hearts. Sometimes miracles are hard to see in the present, but when you look back you realize that your life is abounding in miracles. I am so thankful for the opportunity that I have to serve. Even for one more week.

Love you all, thanks for all the prayers!

XOXO, Sister Brown

Ramos Family
4 hours of travel later...
Aco Family

Sis Conching

Christmas party


Maricris and Zeram
Sheryl Lyn Medoza and RJ
The Vilela!
Sister Flor Carandang
Riza Alilio

Service, cleaning windows